Good table manners while riding your trike

Byron Drachman

Recently we have had a big increase (at least in percent) in the number of people riding trikes. For our new trike riders, I thought I would offer some etiquette tips on eating while riding your trike. My references are to trikes but many of the same rules apply to any recumbent. Since TCBA has such a large number of recumbent riders that I thought this note would of great importance to them also. If you are riding a diamond frame bicycle, you should ride with both hands on the bars, so read no further. A few of the tips are gender specific. I leave it to the reader to make appropriate changes for the ladies.

Sometimes while riding my trike I drink coffee and eat a donut, especially if I missed breakfast. First and foremost, a coffee cup and donut are held in the right hand. The cup goes between the thumb and first finger. The donut is held between the first and second fingers. The third finger remains under the second or wherever is most comfortable for you, and the pinky is extended straight out, or if that is not possible, held with a graceful curve. You may alternate between sipping the coffee and partaking of the donut. For a bite of donut, be sure to keep the cup vertical and rotate your right hand counterclockwise (when viewed from above) and bring the donut to your mouth. Never bring your mouth to the donut. Watch for big bumps while sipping on the coffee. It is bad form to dribble coffee down your chin.

Once you have mastered one cup of coffee and a donut, you may move onto holding a cup of coffee and two donuts. The second donut is held under the first, secured between the middle and ring fingers. Again, the pinky is extended. Try to avoid messy frostings for this maneuver. If your donuts do have frosting or other coatings, at least try to get some that match the color of your jersey for obvious reasons. Finish the first donut before starting on the second. Slight shifting of the donuts will be necessary to avoid the second donut while you are finishing the first. It is no harder than shuffling a deck of cards with only one hand, so you can perfect this with sufficient practice. Don’t forget to keep the cup vertical while shifting the donuts around. You want to avoid hot coffee in the lap.

One-handed coffee-donut consumption is something you should practice as often as possible, not only while riding your trike but also at breakfast, during breaks at work, driving your car to and from work, etc. The more you practice, the more adept you will become, and you will be carbo-loading, which we all agree is necessary for efficient cycling. Also, you should consider lounging in an easy chair at home while drinking coffee and eating donuts as the main component of your indoor training. By the way, holding a cup of coffee and donut in one hand and talking on a cell phone held in your other hand while driving a car or riding a trike would be an advanced technique not recommended for novices.

If you study your hand, you will see it is possible to hold a coffee cup and three donuts. However, this is not done in public. It would be a clear sign of gluttony and to make matters worse, it would interfere with the elegant extension of the pinky.

If you start to pass a rider riding a diamond frame bicycle, do not pass right away, but instead slow down and make some pleasant conversation. Don’t talk with your mouth full, and if you have any crumbs on your chin, don’t wipe your chin with your jersey sleeve until you can divert the rider’s attention. Saying something like “Hey, did you see that naked lady over there?” should give you plenty of time for a surreptitious cleanup. Sticky fingers should be cleaned exactly the same way you do when you are wearing a suit or are otherwise dressed more formally and you don’t have a napkin handy. You discretely wipe your fingers on the tops of your socks or on the inside of a pocket. I think this might be a “guy thing.”

It is OK to sip your coffee and munch on your donut while chatting with another rider. Just don’t gloat over how comfortable you are and how easy it is for you to have a snack while riding, and how uncomfortable the diamond frame bike looks. Never ask if the bicycle rider has any feeling at all in his private parts after a long ride. Thanks to G.R. for pointing out that such an inquiry would be an example of gloating and bad manners.

I was taught as a youngster that it is impolite to eat in front of others without offering to share. However, you do not need to share your donut.  Just lightly sneeze in the general vicinity of the donut. A direct spray onto the donut is not necessary. Be sure to say, “Excuse me” after sneezing.  Follow that with, “Would you care for a piece of the donut? I see a part without very much mucus that I could break off for you.”  The other rider will most likely reject the offer, but your willingness to share will show your good manners and breeding.

I advise against eating barbecued ribs while riding your trike. It could be done on a smooth road, but better safe than sorry.

Finally, if you are eating a fast food such as chicken or a burger and drinking lemonade while riding, keep in mind that white lemonade goes with chicken and pink lemonade goes with burgers.

Byron (Mr. Manners)